Forever alone…. but still a winner
Christmas has mostly been a non-event for me. For some people, Christmas is about family, sharing or an excuse for having an epic pig-out session. For others, it’s about the parties, flash-lights and being so dead drunk that weirdos can “surprise-hump” you from the back without you even noticing.
For me, its about nestling under the covers all day, reading or watching Jurassic Park on DVD (Samuel L Jackson as a dinosaur scientist…it gets to me every single time…). Sometimes, it is the only time of the year when I get forgiven for screaming “FIVE GOLDEN RINGS” and surprising the crazy shits out of everyone (When it comes to Christmas carols, I don’t waste no time. Just get to the good parts, people)
So in general, Christmas is very enjoyable and all.
The thing I don’t like is the mandatory “what are you doing on Christmas” conversations. I have no shame about spending Christmas on my own, but such discussions can get kinda competitive and judgmental.
Case in point (on christmas eve):
A: How are you going to celebrate christmas after work?
B: I’m going to Avalon, you?
A: I’m going for my friend’s yacht party. How about you?
Me: I’m going home.
And then A looks at me as though she’s been told that she has a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that I had in February of last year.
Sometimes I cannot believe how people can still be so narrow-minded. I AM SAVING CHRISTMAS FOR SAMUEL L JACKSON, OKAY?! YOU HAPPY NOW?!
People should realize that there is a very important difference between solitude and loneliness. Before I read “Quiet” by Susan Cain, I was always conflicted with spending time with large groups of people during the festive period when I didn’t enjoy such activities so much. I thought that there was something wrong with the way I was built. But after reading the book, I realized that down-time, or time spent alone, is an important reward that introverts gift themselves for surviving the challenges set by a world that is biased towards extroverts.
Now that I understand why I need to have down-time, I no longer feel guilty or unhappy when I am alone, even during major holidays like Christmas. I even enjoy the quiet time spent reading, reflecting and having a nice meal outside without the stress and hassle of holding a conversation while slurping some slippery noodle. I craft, I bake, I count the raindrops on the window sill (well not really) but most importantly I rest.
I write when I am alone too. They say happiness writes a blank page. I couldn’t agree more. Time alone gives me the opportunity to empty the unhappy thoughts in my head to just words on paper and it is one of the best ways to exorcise the phantoms that reside in the mind.
While there are many who fear loneliness, I think it is about high time we realize the value of solitude.